Duke Hellstrom
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Posted - 2010.05.31 08:36:00 -
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Edited by: Duke Hellstrom on 31/05/2010 08:39:48
Edited by: Duke Hellstrom on 31/05/2010 08:36:53
 Originally by: Scott Woods
Edited by: Scott Woods on 23/05/2010 23:11:39
1. Tell me what you would do with the 21 billion isk I have in my wallet and assets.
Haha, this thread did get me thinking, even if it's a joke and you're just doing it all for a laugh. After introducing my head to concrete in order to forget a bad song ("If I had a million dollars...") this is what I came up with:
Considering 21 billion is about 21 billion more than I have currently (I'm rounding down the decimal), I'll have to spill the beans on my super top secret plans for EVE-wide domination.
Step 1: Picture me in my lair. Now picture me smoking a fat cigar, leaning back on my leather-bound chair, stroking my siamese cat, and cackling like a madman as I type this. Yes, I am pretty much a diabolical genius... except I lack funds, and a lair, and a siamese cat. For now.
That's where you come in. And that's where this all starts. Very innocently, just like all villains. I need a lair, and after pondering a moment, I decided where it needs to be. No, not Jita; don't be silly. The first thing I'd do with your money is spend about 10 billion turning Rancer into Walmart. I'd buy out the nearby trade hubs of T1 pvp items and ships, and set a bunch of ridiculously priced courier contracts to get it all there. Then I'd sell these items all incredibly cheaply for a loss... maybe even turning the place into a minor hub.
Step 2: Now, considering Rancer is a deathtrap, I'd also put up tons of buy orders, buying back whatever the PVPers looted from the poor soul who just bought my stuff. Har har. Ingenious, no? Death and destruction, all while making a fortune.
Step 3: With my newly amassed fortune, I hijack an atomic warhead and hold Jita 4:4 hostage for no less than 1mil ISK.
Step 4: Repeat.
I spent about 5 minutes crafting that, but I'm pretty sure it's virtually bullet proof. Your ISK is in safe hands, sir... and if you reconsider your self-destruction, I'm sure I can find an opening in the ranks of my minions. And if you have potential, perhaps a promotion to personal sidekick is in order?
Don't throw it all away. There's a bright future for you yet!.. (in my Rifter hordes)
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2. Tell me about the dreams you have for yourself in eve that you are worried will never come true.
Hmm, well... I'm worried that all I mentioned above will never come true. It would crush my heart if it didn't. Taking over the universe is a tricky business, unless you know how to set up alarm clock raids. But I'd sooner rule alone and sit atop my throne of ISK.
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3. Tell me about the biggest mistake you have made in this universe we call eve. What did you learn if anything?
Opening the EVE Fiction subforum. Never again.
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4. Give some sage advice for people who will be here long after my plot license is dead and gone and somebody else is using my face.
Stick around in places like Rens and Jita. Dozens of pilots with friendly names like Zaxxzz2345 are just begging for you to take their Faction equipped ships at ridiculously low, low prices. They're moving out to 0.0 space, you see, and (sadly) can't take anything with them. Really.
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